Parker Ito

Parker Cheeto: The Net Artist (America Online Made Me Hardcore)

I wanted to be a net artist
That's what I wanted to be
But now that I am a net artist
Nobody cares about me
– @ed_hardy_god

Can you make it real? Can you make it more than real?
Is net art real?
The only criteria for being a net artist is drinking monster energy and having a Tumblr – now that’s trill.

I hate writing press releases. I tried to get several other people to write this press release for me, but oh well.

There are two types of press releases that artists write:
A. Ones the make sense to “everyone”
B. Ones that makes sense to no one (but the artist)
C. Ones that use the word “economies”

The last press release I wrote I got shit because I quoted Kippenberger, or people loved that I quoted Kippenberger and were like “OMG I Fucking LOVE THAT QUOTE! / Thanks for turning me on to that great Kippenberger Interview.” The truth is I’ve never even read that Kippenberger interview, so when people kept bringing it up to me I had no idea what they were even talking about. I read the quote in an essay titled “Painting Besides Itself” by David Joselitz, and I didn’t even read that essay either I just skimmed through because Gene McHugh brought it up in an essay he wrote about Paint FX on his blog Post Internet (RIP) (I read Gene’s essay though).

But if I really thought about it though I would say this trickle down filter + superficial awareness of something is in some ways the “essence” of my konceptual practice. I mean Paint FX was just a rip off of Poster Company, my 3M Scotchlite works were just an extension of Artie Vierkant’s Image Objects, and everyone and their mom has made art with, and about stock photography. And that’s why I love Instagram so much.

For this exhibition I kept changing my mind about what I wanted to do. Yesterday, after being in Copenhagen for a couple of days I finally figured out I’m going to make 28 paintings and show a video piece titled “America Online Made Me Hardcore”. I’m making 28 paintings because that’s how many 64” x 46” paintings I can make with one whole roll of 3M Scotchlite. Instead of making abstract paintings though, this time a company will be UV printing images onto the Scotchlite and then I’m going to screen print some drawings on top of that. I’m not going to tell you what the images are, other than that I promise there will be a Cheeto, but not a Dorito, Frito or burrito (and no I did not make those Tumblr’s or the ParkerItosTroll Twitter account). I think that when you see the paintings you’ll “get it”. 
“America Online Made Me Hardcore” is a film I made where I filmed 1.5 years of my life with a shitty digital point and shoot. If you’re reading this right now on Facebook, you’re probably in the film, and you’re probably wasted in the film, and you might be even doing something embarrassing. But really the film is 8 hours long and it’s so boring, but in a weird way it’s the only “real” documentary about YIBAs (Young Internet Based Artists) that exists. At least one person in the film is dead, this is really sad. And a couple of the people in the film have blocked me on Facebook, this is also sad. A couple of the people in the film aren’t even net artists anymore.

Also I gave Jeff Baij a stick-and-poke tattoo as an artwork as part of this exhibition. The idea came to me in a vision the morning after my last solo show (See Also: Kippenberger Butthole). The tattoo says “net art”. It was really easy to convince him to do it.

I don’t even believe in net art. I don’t believe in Paint FX. I don’t believe in Mark Zuckerberg. I don’t’ believe in Parked Domain Girl. I don’t believe in rich people. I don’t believe in new years resolutions. I don’t believe in JstChillin. I don’t believe in Grimes. I don’t believe in Klout. I don’t believe in drop shadows. I don’t believe in Sea Punk. I don’t believe in Rhianna. I don’t believe in New York. I don’t believe in post-irony. I don’t believe in sincerity. I don’t’ believe in pronouncing GIF the right way. I don’t believe that “Spring Breakers” will save culture. I don’t believe in Karma. I don’t believe in dog. I don’t believe in underwater photography. I don’t believe I’ll get in a car accident but I purchase full coverage every time I get a rental car anyways. I don’t believe you invented Google search results as art. I don’t believe in McChickens. I don’t believe in that Russian doll girl. I don’t believe in wearing all black. I don’t believe in deleting unread emails in your inbox. I don’t believe in private Facebook information. I don’t believe in saxophones frozen in ice cubes. I don’t believe in Contemporary Art Daily. I don’t believe in vegetables. I don’t believe in intellectuals. I don’t believe in hobo font. I don’t believe in Riff Raff. I don’t believe in Burberry. I don’t believe in having a Facebook profile picture that’s a really old picture of you and looks nothing like how you look now. I don’t believe in press releases.

I just believe in me….
The Internet and me
And true love
And white pants

And Nick Faust’s FB feed.

This is the last exhibition I will ever make (applause).

No I’ve changed my mind again (disappointment).



  Parker Ito, IMO, Copenhagen